Consumed by thoughts of cats

I am becoming increasingly consumed by the thought of cats and chained dogs outside in the cold. I live in Kansas City and it is starting to freeze at night. During the day, I am able to push the thoughts of shivering kitties from my mind. As the clock ticks by and evening comes, I become anxious that I can't save all of them.

I already do a lot for cats the that are near me. I live in a third floor apartment. Each night I go downstairs and feed some strays and ferals that I only see evidence of. Usually, there are people getting home or going out for the night and I feel nervous. I don't want them to see what I am doing. If they see and disagree with it, they might tell the landlord. I already know that the landlord doesn't care for cats too much. The maintenance man has thrown away numerous makeshift feeding stations and styrofoam houses. People think that feeding cats somehow attracts wild animals or something. The cats eat all the food-there is nothing left. I do get them first thing in the morning, but I guess the risk of wild animals getting the food goes down once the sun is up.  I probably should go back down after an hour or so to get the bowls, but I am already doing my inside cat work at that point.  I have 3 cats of my own and 6 fosters. It takes a lot of energy to feed all of them and change their 10 litter boxes-twice a day.  I have 4 kittens of various ages with the youngest being 4 months. I have a feral kitten I am working with daily and it requires lots of patience. 

Outside, there is only one cat that actually comes up to me only occasionally, but I see numerous glowing eyes hidden among the brush and under cars and quick movements from between trees. The one cat that comes up to me isn't too thin, I think it's a girl, she is some kind of Siamese cat. She has a bob tail, too. I am not sure what happened there...hopefully it is a characteristic of her breed.

Two nights ago, it was raining. When she came up to me her fur was wet and she was shivering. I felt deeply saddened that I had to leave her outside. I am trying to lure her up to my little house I made for them. I have to keep it by my door, which is on the (inconvenient) third floor. Although I do have one feral cat who comes up for food every night.

I wish I did not have to deal with this problem. It would be so much easier on me-and my pocketbook-if I just ignored them all. I wish that people would be responsible and take care of the animals they have so that they are not having babies and not running around outside. It isn't safe for them. I just can't know they are out there and not do something to help them.

I can tell that it is weighing on my mind, I feel the stress in my body.  I can feel my anger building inside when I think of the chained dogs who have no house or are too thin and have no body fat to keep them warm.  Dogs who have frozen water and no hay to burrow in.  Cats who are left to go into hoods of cars to try to keep warm and meet a terrible fate in the morning.  I know I can't save them all but I just might die trying to do it.